Friday, August 27, 2010


This one right here is a short one, bout my dad. I love my pops...but during the early years i was pretty pissed at him and this just reflects my memories.

I wake up and wonder if it’s a dream
Cause nothing has changed, or so it seem
I hop out ma clumpy bed
Hit the shower and get fed
I wish I didn’t live
I wish I was dead
My heart turns to anger
My eyes turn color red.
Why would this happen
What the hell have I done?
Was I unworthy
Was I a horrible son?
Why the hell did u give me life?
Just so u can take it with one stab of a knife?
What was about me, that u hated so much
That you left and left me to watch
Them throw you in an empty cell
What the fuck am I supposed to tell?
To my sister, your daughter
That she has an asshole for a father?
Do you realize the situation I am in?
I am full of anger and hurt but ur the one with the sin
This is not how its supposed to be
I am supposed to have a father, you see
I was made to be a child till I grew
I wasn’t intended to be an adult at the age of two
If you only knew,
how much I grew
since the last time ive seen u
But you don’t care
Looking at me with that cold stare
Mothafucka how dare?
You leave us alone
Your only daughter and your only son
Did you think what will happen to us?
Cause we didn’t have anyone we could love or trust
Left alone fending for ourselves
Trying to survive and caring about no one else
Our life wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great
When you chose that path, you have sealed our fate
And now its too late
Its passed the overdue date
Now I probably will never see my dad
It makes my sister sad
But bitch it makes me mad
You’re the only thing we’ve ever had
And now I don’t know if your alive or dead!

Fathers, you were given a responsibility
You have special gifts and special ability
All your children ask for is love and sincerity
Cause no child wants to be a child of charity.
We want you to help us grow
Teach us to walk and talk and throw
Baseballs around at a park
Help us find our path, give us that special spark
That turns into light, when everything else turns into dark

Monday, August 16, 2010


I was born in Russia, where I lived for thirteen years before getting adopted along with my sister into an american family. These lyrics were written about our mother, who has struggled with drug addictions that proved to be fatal to her life. Although this is a scoop from my personal life, i know a lot of people would be able to relate to these lyrics.

The year was nineteen and ninety one
A mother gave birth to her only son
Alcoholic and drug addict, she held her kid
Thinking back and feeling sorry for all the things she did
Those nights, when she was trashed beyond belief
Those days, when she couldn't leave
Her life of constant addiction
Listen closely, cause this aint no fiction.
Closely she held her newly born
And you could of almost sworn
That she looked ahead, to a new life
But she didn't change and died by a knife.
Cause as soon as she was out of the hospital door
She left behind everything to which she swore.
To start a new life, away from alcohol and drugs
To replace those idols with something as simple as hugs.
She had the desire, bud didn't have the will
And once again, everything from there went downhill.
Back into the partying scene,
She once again lived as a fiend.
This continued for five more years
And constant unsatisfaction left her in a lot of tears.
She used the source of the problem, as a way to cope
Dope to release her of alcohol, and alcohol against her dope.
Living the life from a drink to a drink, she didn't stop long enough to think
That the same baby boy, in that hospital room
Might be left without a mother very soon.

We all mess up, and we are given chances
To progress forward, to make minor advances
Sometimes its hard, and we all strife
But not to take those chances, can cause you your life.
And if you just don't care, if your heart is to empty and bare
Then may be you should get a pair, and grow some serious hair
Cause really you aint being fair
To those who actually care, bout yours and their welfare.
Stop telling yourself all the fucking lies
Sometimes you gotta step back and realize
That when your buried, its more than you that dies.
So make a right choice, and do it quick
Cause it might have been your last choice as we speak.

Money got scarce, addictions got worse
She constantly needed a new money source
As the desperation grew, her morality decreased
Until it finally just seized to exist.
Taking advantage of the situation
Her friends didn't take a moment of hesitation
Offered her money, for sexual favors
And too stupid to think, she considered them her saviors.
Time passed, and things got harder
The mother fell further and further
Now she was sleeping with dudes she didn't know
An addict turned into a hoe.
Her family tried to help her condition
But the mother didn't have any ambition
She lost the ones that loved her
Until she didn't have anyone anymore.
Now all she had, was her two young babies,
Something else to replace her addiction, may be
But that was not the case
The kids went without food for days
So she can satisfy her ever wanting desire
And she met more men, but all of them ended up being liars.
Her condition worsened, doors started closing in
Life became harder for the mother fiend
Now she was at the point of no return
Far from that mindset of the day her child was born
And although she was torn, she closed the final door.


She met the wrong kind of people
The kind that thrive on purely evil
And they promised the will give her the doze
But first she had to take off all her clothes.
By now it was too late
Because in their minds, the guys have already sealed her fate
Nothing out of ordinary, happened at first
They all proceeded to commit intercourse
When it was all done, the mother asked for her pay
"Bitch what the fuck did you say?"
Then all at once, they started attacking
All you could hear was her screams and bones cracking
But they were at a place where no one lived for a mile
So all her screams of agony were futile.
Then one of the guys, pulled out a knife
He snickered, as he saw fear in her eyes.
As she realized she was going to die
She stopped screaming and started to cry
Her heart started racing, her throat became dry
Then she felt a sharp pain in her stomach, and proceeded to die.
That was the last day of her in this world
But the life has just begun for her son and young baby girl.
They were hundreds of miles away as she took her last breath
As she stared in the eyes of her new savior--death
As i think about that moment, I almost wanna cry
Because those little kids who were left in this world
Were my sister and I.